What’s Wrong With the Kids Today?

        Last week I heard a discussion between a well known morning news show host and a child psychologist. They were discussing the fact that children today appear to have bad manners, are often rude to others, and have little regard for anyone but themselves.  The television personality was repeating the old myth that "we must build children’s self esteem."  But the psychologist was challenging that view by noting that the research does not support the idea that just promoting self-esteem has a positive effect on kids, and may actually be damaging. I t was good to see a psychologist challenging a common assumption of popular culture.

        The truth of the matter is that self-esteem comes from achievement.  We cannot start by just developing self-esteem, and then expect great achievements to follow.  We start by working hard, struggling, succeeding, and then feeling good.  Make good grades, or perform well in sports, or do something worthwhile, and you will feel good about yourself.  That’s true of adults and children as well.  Just telling someone they are worthy and great doesn’t really produce self-esteem; in fact it may produce kids who are just self-centered.  If we haven’t done anything worthwhile, why should we feel good about ourselves?

        Modern popular culture has some articles of faith.  It believes that everyone is basically good.  It believes that no one should fail, or even feel bad.  It believes that when someone does something awful, it is someone else’s fault.  It believes that there is no such thing as evil in the world.  If one looks at the evidence, each of those ideas is clearly silly, but those ideas are believed and defended by many in our world, and in our media.

        There is a big difference between the popular culture, or humanistic view of the nature of human beings, and the Christian view of the nature of human beings.  Once you clearly understand the difference, it is easy to see which one is more accurate.  Since at least the eighteenth century, humanistic philosophers have tried to promote the idea that human beings are essentially good.  They have said that if you just give a person a nice environment, tell them often enough that they are wonderful, and shower them with education and opportunities, this "good" nature will emerge.  When, however, people have every opportunity recommended by the humanists, but behave like a Jeffrey Dahmer or a Ted Bundy, the humanists are mystified and try to blame it on the parent's subtle failures, or on a racist or sexist society.  The problem is that the humanistic philosophy of human nature is at fault.

        In Christian philosophy, human beings are seen as fallen creatures in a fallen world.  Human nature is capable of great evil, but has a longing for God.  In fact, this longing for God is the only good thing about human nature.  If we act on that longing for God, we will find Him, and be redeemed.  It is only in redemption that we can be good.  Left to its own devices, human nature tends toward evil.  Only through God’s grace can we hope to amount to anything.  It is when we try to deny this tendency toward rebellion and evil in ourselves and in others, that we begin to get into trouble.  When I start to think that I am a truly wonderful person, I am filled with pride, and we all know what pride precedes.  When I assume that everyone I meet is noble and good, I set myself up to be victimized by the truly evil people who live in the world.  Jesus called them "children of their father, Satan."  It doesn’t sound like Jesus thought much of the "brotherhood of man."

        Throughout history we have seen efforts made to change people without God’s help.  In the former Soviet Union we have seen a massive effort to raise the conditions of human existence while banning God from the process.  What resulted was brutality, poverty, violence, and ecological disaster.  Billions of dollars are wasted on relief efforts which ignore God.

        Human nature is not perfectible without God.  Our children will grow up to be self-centered rebellious failures without God.  No amount of self-esteem training or equal opportunities will make them good and decent people.  When we tell our children that they are wonderful and great when they are failing or being lazy, we are lying to them about who they really are.  And we are lying to them about reality.  We need to encourage them to be God-centered, and to focus on the opportunity to serve God, rather than focusing on getting glory for themselves.  That is the path to true achievement and real happiness for our children.